new year new me
Feb. 1st, 2022 03:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
madeoutcreek
heyy :] i decided i'd at least attempt to do some sort of monthly blogging, especially because i'm trying to be more of a self-archivist (my memory is kind of bad) and i told myself i wanted to consume media more intentionally in 2022. so, without further ado:
If I wanna escape, I can escape / I could be great, I'm on my way
everything hanif writes soothes me. i also noticed how closely linked my interests are with his, especially music-wise which is why 'they can't kill us until they kill us' was such an important read. slowly but surely i am getting through his works... all while having an Emotion (2015) phase 7 years late hahah
started reading conversations with friends on a whim and honestly i dislike the characters so much it's been a bit of a pain in the ass lmaooo. i can relate to frances' circumstantial patheticness though
note to self: pick up a ted chiang book and read it!
Tumblr dot com is still very relevant. to me!!!
to make a long story short i caved and watched all 3 seasons of succession. and then succession made my brain all weird so i binged 5 seasons of superstore to offset the weirdness, except i ended up really liking superstore too so that's been cool. i feel like i'm learning a lot about character writing by reintroducing television into my life (i very recently regained the attention span to watch shows) while that was happening i got super fixated on kendall roy so i apologize for the next slew of images. also i wish i could write all my succession thoughts in a really smart and eloquent way but smth about that show gives me bad brain disease and mushy thoughts. anyways !!!!!
coming out as a #jeremy_strong_newyorkerprofile_defender i know there was some negative feedback but i was honestly so inspired reading this. inspired by strong's, for lack of a better word, insanity and the amazing characterization done by schulman. i would looove to write some shit like this one day like... maybe it's my penchant for odd white guys (trademark) but i was really charmed by how serious strong takes himself and he was really dropping gems left and right... like to me it stems from very profound feelings of reverence and love and that's doubly admirable... TO ME!!! i just love how jeremy strong loves. idk he's literally such a Capricorn to me. I'm obsessed!
like honestly guys who says things like that???? it's so worth the read and definitely cemented my obsession in both kendall and jeremy. also highly recommend this article which details what even makes strong's celebrity profile so fucking good in the first place. haters just don't get it!!! wish i had something more profound to say about this besides kendall roy hamlet..... lol
gonna get on my soapbox for a moment and try to explain the absolute mindfuck my brain has undergone this month because of succession. there are just so many moving pieces in the universe of succession so i just want to speak to what draws me in the most and it's themes of love, family, and consequence. on a more superficial level, it's a show about three siblings fighting for a spot as head of their father's company, his legacy. but i think my background has made me more interested in the psychological aspect of wealth and fame. what makes a person do bad things for selfish gain and still vie for their abusive father's love and acceptance? what makes a person powerful enough to dismiss vulnerability and like, the realness of being a person, and what happens when that person has flown to close to the sun and is forced to deal with their own humanity? the gristle and stringy grossness of it all? that's what i think about when i see kendall fail to keep it together when he tries and tries to defeat his father, maybe out of self-sabotage. it's what i think about when shiv ditches her act and reveals she really has wanted the promise of power the whole time, and when roman struggles to think for himself and not defer to his father. i feel like i spent a lot of time being frustrated for them because as an outsider, their problems are just so obvious... it's in your face, because it really is largely internal. sometimes i'm just like damn bitch your worldview is like this??? and you wonder why you're fighting for your lives everyday? like there's something inside of them that won't ever settle and they might not ever see it. a can of worms, a host of family curses... trauma that takes a lot more than ex-communication and a cumbersome business decision to get rid of. the inherent ramifications of being part of a family. and as regular people we're conditioned to strive for money and power and fame but sometimes it's just so gratifying to watch the elites struggle with similar internal ills. it reminds me of karma. it's equally pitiful and gratifying to watch rich people suffer, in some way. i feel so bad as i watch these characters hit new lows (kendall especially ;;) and sometimes i wonder if this is the obvious culmination of their sins, retaliating with the serrated teeth of consequence. other times i wonder if we're ever really worlds apart from each other like we claim to be - the both of us still so love-starved and wretched even despite our most fundamental differences.
his sad little beagle face tho.... :((
i've been thinking a great deal about creative nonfiction/autofiction/essays/i don't know the terms, mostly trying to reconcile with the fact that i don't know how to write about myself. it must be incredibly daunting to show somebody (or somebodies) maybe the worst parts of your insides. so yeah i've been extremely impressed by the nonfiction articles i've read this month bc i still don't have it in me to read entire books
patrick stump's flop era essay circa 2012 just scratches this weird itch in my brain. writing has this strange and omnipresent way of forcing me to look in the mirror, which i'd like to say i know about, but it never exactly comes from where i would expect. i remember reading about patrick stump's post-folie/soul punk struggles five years too late and reading this kind of feels like tracing back old wounds and scars. i feel connected to strangers through the worst possible places - in dreams or fears or worst failures. honestly, i wonder what he now thinks of this essay and that time in his life
guy who is nearly three years late to reading the crane wife *points at self* tbh there's the possibility i had read it a long time ago and completely forgot about it lmao
i think i found this poem bc of 17hols...? idk. all i know is the last few lines of the poem have been bouncing around in my skull for WEEKS. it is just so good and truthful which is why i had it grouped with the nonfiction i read during the month. i realized a part of me appreciates this sort of insight on relationships and intimacy, not because i exactly relate to the subject matter or anything. it's kind of a project for me - i want to see if i could ever come close to truly 'getting it'. honestly i do have a hard time with poetry for [brain static] reasons, but this was just so clear and incisive i couldn't stop thinking about the themes of imprinting or scarring; assessing the damages of a lost love. it's definitely up there with my favorite poem of all time
i tried to write some of my own nonfiction the other week. truthfully, i kept thinking about jeremy strong referring to his origins as the "mythology of his life". i guess it resonated. but i didn't want to write about being sad, though it seemed to be the only creature i could wrangle out from muddy waters. these things have a way of coming out, if i choose to let them
I love it when kpop boys say things that remind me of my own thoughts. yes i have two leo placements
wow didn't expect this to get so long... sometimes the vibes are just that deep idk. and i am pretty incapable of making organized monthly round-up posts lmao. anyway this month has been weird. i've been super lonely on campus for the first time in a long time, which is weird. i've also been in this limbo state where i'm kind of just expecting for things to go to shit and they're... not? it's been weird. hmmm... i didn't write outside of 17hols and i've been wrestling with nonfiction so i'll see where that takes me. these days i'm mostly trying to be cognizant of changes around me without any anxiety. i'm fucking tired of fighting the years. so, if anything, i hope this year lets me accept all of the changes.
sick seventeen reference......
my 2022 mood tho :') love's gonna lift me up!!!
if u made it this far, thanks for reading!! <3 <3
no subject
Date: 2022-02-01 06:30 pm (UTC)i bookmarked and opened some of the poems/essays u linked, hoping to get to them soon since i’m the opposite and read more books than nonfiction tbh!!! truly ty for this <3 have a happy february!
there have been so many succession posts i guess its my time (trudging off to my silly little laptop to begin my silly little stream)
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From:no subject
Date: 2022-02-02 02:31 am (UTC)ANYWAY. what a beautiful collection. i have saved some of the poems to read later because they look so wonderful. incredibly glad that there is someone else who biases the tragic hero...... i think i read hamlet too much as a teen which is why i am the way i am. also wow braving non-fiction!!! that honestly sounds so brave and i wish you the best with it. writing is hard, and life is hard, but i really really think you deserve so much joy and i hope you can find it this year. sending lots of love <3
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