thoughts on writing break-ups, dating, and the like

[madeoutcreek]

okay this is gonna be the least formatted least organized post i've posted so far but ykw i don't care anymore so here it goes:

i think a lot of people get into relationships without knowing what they would be better off knowing. to be more concise: they don’t know the downsides or negatives of being with their s/o until they break up. i think this is why a lot of break-up songs and media etc etc is so revelatory—the wondering, the questioning, the lingering resentment about the person you thought you knew like the back of your hand. it doesn’t make any sense, right? but it does. it’s kind of like when they say you have to survive vacation w your s/o before moving in with them to test the viability of the relationship and for compatibility purposes, and as of rn i totally agree with this approach even though i really shouldn't be talking but this is just fiction right lmao.

going back to my original point: i feel like "breakupshipping" just works bc for a lot of people it’s a necessary strain in order to take their personal relationship to that next level (bc endgame… duh) a lot of people need to experience a break in order to find time to reflect on their interpersonal relationships (normal) and some people need to go through messy break-ups and pain before getting to that stage (decidedly less normal but still valid)

during my rather disastrous attempts at writing fic centered around romance, i find it a little hard to form strong character arcs without the context of some sort of prior romantic conflict, primarily break-ups. and i believe even the fluffiest of fluff fics should address a conflict in the main character somehow (for example, character a doesn't know how to ask for physical affection and maybe character b helps them through that) bc this is essentially what makes a story compelling and relatable. not going to get too in-depth about my fics and wips but it's clear i rely on break-ups and here's why: well-adjusted single people are kind of boring to read about. single people, in general, are boring to read about unless there's some other external conflict (but i'm talking about slash fic pretty exclusively here lmao). i'm probably not even wording this right but it's like one of those things about how all people come into your life for a reason. because i'm the god in the context of my works i think relationship history is a good example of this. my mc dated this person because [insert reason], they broke up because [insert reason], and the mc learned [insert life lesson]. as diminutive as it might sound at first, people really are lessons in life. and this doesn't mean the lesson has to end or that you have to move on (my longtime friends, to me, are a lesson in friendship and companionship) and this brings me to my next point!

FRIENDSHIPS. i feel like society does a great job of minimizing the importance of friends as opposed to romantic relationships, which is like a thousand kinds of toxic and no good at all. wrt this post, friendship break-ups are equally applicable and impactful in the scenario of slash fic. i think it's so strange how people will neglect some of their most emotionally intimate relationships just because they get a s/o or romantic partner(s)... anyone who's lost close friendships should understand that it's just as bad as a break-up. you say hurtful things to someone you love, they leave and it hurts, you think of them without even meaning to and it hurts... basically what i'm saying is romance is not always intimacy and so forth, which reminds me of this wonderful interview that's really stayed with me. alice wu talks about her own experience where her male friend's girlfriend was jealous of her even though alice is a lesbian (and therefore is not romantically interested in her close friend). like it's just clear to me how society has done this thing where we've told ourselves that the only way to attaining the intimacy we crave so deeply is to date or marry someone when it's not the case at all... also why friends to lovers shouldn't get any flak imo but hey that's just my two cents!

i won't even try to summarize this bc my thoughts are so scattered and i'm running on fumes. maybe i'll edit this later and try to make it more robust but for now i'm choosing my peace and pressing post!

Comments

[arcsecond]

dont have much to add (edit: i lied) but this entire post is so objectively correct... seeing the alice wu interview killed me i think about that a normal and healthy amount. cries.

i feel like a really fun flavor of breakupshipping is like... idk have u watched hxh? im thinking killugon-adjacent sort of like being young and imprinting so deeply onto each other that you've become unhealthily codependent and cannot conceptualize yourself as a person without your 'other half'... 8jun is not exactly this but you could def tweak it to fit 8jun which is what makes them so divorceshippable to me

i think divorceshipping is really compelling to me not only bcs of the whole having to take time apart to grow independently thing but also bcs ive always been rlly interested by like... meeting someone u used to know again and having to reconcile their past self with their present self and accept that yes theyve changed but so have you and that doesnt mean you're not the same people anymore. and i guess i also like that it means breakups dont have to be final... it's not that u were bad for each other it's just that u weren't right for each other at this moment in time and things could be different later on. the whole right person wrong time thing always feels so sad to me so i like that theres a possibility for it to eventually become right person right time. like leaving that door open haha

also i love that u brought up the idea of friendship breakups bcs that shit HURTS... like sometimes romantic relationships just dont work out bcs of external circumstances but i feel like having an actual friendship 'break-up' where the relationship immediately severs hurts bcs someone has to do something wrong for it to happen and its like wow i fucked up enough to actively drive someone away from me... n i feel like romantic relationships can carry a lot of diff kinds of obligations but for friendships its jsut like. ur friends bcs u like each other. and then when u stop liking each other it hurts

ok ive rambled long enough LOL but very excellent post op always love reading ur thoughts <3

[madeoutcreek]

hi sorry this is kinda late i swear i meant to reply a few days ago but then i kinda forgot...? LOL my brain

alice wu perfectly capturing all the tiny moments of contained grief of growing up as a lesbian.. *my heart shatters into pieces*

YES I WATCHED HXH OMFG..... KILLUGON the blueprint for childhood friends to lovers etc etc <3 it can be so personal.. and i agree 8jun wouldn't be my first pick for that kind of dynamic but i kind of like it when 8jun just know they can't ever get rid of each other. like they've been through too much together and know too much each other to really cut each other off hence the divorceshipping...

meeting someone u used to know again and having to reconcile their past self with their present self and accept that yes theyve changed but so have you and that doesnt mean you're not the same people anymore. preciselyyyy, couldn't have said it better myself. relationships don't have to so linear all the time. sometimes you go in circles or take the wrong turn and its what can make a story so human and compelling imo. and dating someone and breaking up w them just opens up a lot of doors exactly

ur friends bcs u like each other. and then when u stop liking each other it hurts THIS! it's such a painful thing to grapple with at any age... also makes me think that more friendships would benefit from a certain level of expectations (agreed upon by both parties) like we shouldn't just take friends for granted if we want to keep them for long... :(

thanks for ur comment loved hearing ur thoughts too <3